A Feathery Sense of Retribution
by Nova5621
Summary: Hermione and Neville are tired of Ron's constant barrage of passive-aggressive insults and slights. They decide to take matters into their own hands.


Roll-a-Prompt 2018 Writing Challenge submission. Pairing & Prompt: Hermione x Neville, vengeance. Happy reading and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

She set a plate of eggs and toast before him, while he poured cups of tea for them both. He caught her eyeing the ring.

"Do you think they'll be surprised?" Hermione said before taking a bite of her eggs.

He shrugged, cupping his tea in his hands. "I don't think so. Well, if they learned anything from what happened to Ron, they'll be sure to not make any judgements."

She took a sip of her tea, hiding a small smile. "That plan didn't work so well, did it?"

He set his chin in his hand and rested his gaze on her. A smile came to his face. Her hair was still tousled from their lovemaking that morning. A year ago, they sat beneath an oak tree, discussing something very different, but along a similar vein – their friends, particularly one who constantly barraged them with vague insults on their single status.

"No, I think it did."

* * *

It all began around the dining table at Grimmauld place. Hermione, Harry, and Ron got together with Neville, Luna, and the twins to plan for Ginny's 25th birthday party.

"We should get a general headcount, so we can provide enough food," George said.

Fred pushed a paper forward. "I've come up with a list and any plus ones I can come up with."

"Put a plus one for me, please," Luna announced.

Hermione perked up. "Are you finally bringing Rolf around to meet the family?"

Luna nodded. "He's very excited to meet everyone."

"What about you, Hermione?" Fred asked, holding a quill over the paper.

Ron let out a laugh, making everyone turn.

Hermione glared at him. "What's so funny?"

"Fred, thinking you'll bring someone," he answered.

"Hey," she whined.

He shrugged. "What? You're about as close as Neville is in finding someone to date. Which is not close at all because he's stuck teaching at Hogwarts."

Neville piped up, "I like my job."

"That's nice, Neville," Ron said gently as if he was appeasing a child. "But you're just like Hermione. You can't find them, and you very well can't keep them."

Harry coughed into his hand. "Can we drop it now?" Eyeing Hermione's crossed arms and tense jaw, he continued, "you take care of the headcount, Fred. Cake! Should we get a cool design or…"

* * *

"Don't mind him, Hermione." Harry set down some coffee before her. He took the seat across from her, moving the birthday plans aside. It was just the two of them now.

Hermione sighed. "I know, Harry, but I can't help it sometimes. He just gets on my nerves."

"Whose getting on your nerves, love?" Sirius strolled into the kitchen. He placed a kiss on her head before walking to the coffee maker and pouring himself a cup.

Remus walked in shortly after carrying a pastry box.

"Ron," Hermione answered.

"Ron?" Sirius poured another cup. "What's that sorry prat done this time?"

"Sirius." Remus gave him a pointed look.

Sirius shrugged, handing Remus the other cup of coffee and taking a seat beside Harry.

"He's just pointing out my singleness. Again."

Sirius nodded. "Has he considered that some people just don't want to be in relationships like that?"

Hermione shrugged. "I don't think so, but he knows I do."

Remus sat at the head of the table. "Donut?"

Hermione took a chocolate sprinkled donut and muttered a thank you.

"He wasn't very nice to Neville about it either," Harry added, picking out a glazed donut.

"You know what this calls for?" Sirius asked, a wide smile on his face.

"What?" A nervousness settled in Hermione's stomach.

"A prank. To teach Ron a lesson."

Hermione sat back. "I don't know. I don't think I can do something like that."

Sirius shrugged. "Just my suggestion. Maybe it'll help him learn. We all gotta learn someday. Words do hurt."

Hermione nodded, mulling over his idea.

* * *

Hermione shifted on her feet. Smoothing out her shirt, she briefly wondered if jeans and slip on shoes was too casual for a visit to Longbottom Estate. She shook her head. Augusta and Neville probably wouldn't mind.

She lifted her hand and pulled back the iron lion-headed door knocker, ramming it against the door. A few moments later the heavy door opened, and a house elf stood before her.

"Welcome to Longbottom Estate, Miss. How can Penny help you?"

Hermione's eyes widened slightly. She cleared her throat. "I was wondering if Neville was home."

"And who might you be, Miss?"

"Hermione Granger."

The house elf nodded, opening the door and motioning her inside. The door shut softly behind her.

"Please wait here while Penny inquires." The house elf disappeared with a soft pop.

She gazed around the front sitting room. It was warm and cozy. Not as intimidating as she imagined while she stood on the outside. Deep brown wood floors, a brown love seat and matching wing-backed chairs. A tall fireplace on the far wall with a large mantle allowing people to properly floo in.

"Ms. Granger." The imposing figure of August Longbottom strode toward her.

"Mrs. Longbottom, good afternoon. I hope I'm not intruding on anything."

Augusta shook her head. "Its been a quiet day. So, Penny tells me you're here to see Neville."

"Yes. Is he home?"

"He sure is." Augusta walked back through the sitting room and led Hermione into a large study.

She eyed the well-packed shelves almost hungrily.

"He's out in the garden sulking about one thing or another." August opened the French doors leading to the back garden. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner, Ms. Granger."

"Thank you. I don't think I'll be long."

"Sure, dear."

Hermione stepped out into the garden. The ground directly behind the large house was nicely shaded, but the person she came to see wasn't there. She walked onto the grass and looked around. She didn't see anyone in the greenhouse.

There, she suddenly saw a fluttering beneath the large oak tree. She ventured closer and saw it was Neville, laying on the ground, a flower spinning slowly over his palm.

"Neville?"

He sat up on his elbows and glanced around.

She reached the tree's shadow. "Hey."

"Hermione?" he sat up completely and moved to stand, but she waved him off, plopping down beside him.

"Sorry about dropping by like this."

He shrugged. "You're welcome anytime.

She smiled.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I," she looked down at the grass, waving her hand over the short blades. "I don't even know where to start."

Neville laid back down. "Just spit it out."

"Ron's making me angry and I want him to pay." She glanced over her shoulder.

Neville's eyes were wide, but an eyebrow slowly quirked up. "Hermione, can you read minds?"

"No."

He started to laugh. He reached up and pulled on a curl. "I was thinking the same thing."

She huffed. "You were not."

"Was too. Just imagining, mind you. Don't think I'd go through with it." He crossed his arms behind his head. "Why are you mad at him?"

"I think maybe for the same reason you are?"

"Because he says I don't have what it takes to find and keep a girl?"

She sighed. "Right."

"You have a hard time keeping girls, Hermione?"

She pushed him in the stomach. "I'm not bi."

"No?" But he had a smile on his face. "It's like Ron has nothing better to do than constantly bring it up. I want him to stop."

"Me too."

He stared at the canopy of leaves overhead. "What did you have in mind?"

"A prank of sorts. Sirius suggested it actually."

Neville chuckled. "Of course, he did."

"I was thinking of hitting him with a charm of some sort or maybe have him eat something where he's compelled to speak his mind and people are equally compelled to act accordingly."

Neville hummed. "Okay. So if he was under the charm today I would have thrown my tea at him instead of just staring at it?"

"Did you want to throw your tea at him?"

"Yes."

"Then, yes. You would have."

"Wow. It sounds wicked, Hermione."

She groaned. "I know, and I know I'll feel horrible if something bad happens to him."

He patted her knee. "What if we just put a compelling charm to have people react. We're not making him say what he thinks. It's up to him, but they'll be an outward reaction always. Instead of people politely ignoring him."

"You're good at that you know."

"Hm? Politely ignoring him?" Neville reached under his shirt and scratched his stomach. "He's not a child and it's not like he's one of my students where I step in and talk to them. He's a grown man. He should know better."

She nodded, agreeing completely. "So, do you want to join me?"

"Let's do it."

* * *

Neville watched as Hermione walked beside the bookshelves in the study, her eyes trained on the titles as she went by. He was surprised she came over but was feeling positive about this partnership. He was tired with Ron's treatment and if this might help without a direct confrontation with one of his oldest friends then so be it.

"We need to use something he won't be able to detect."

Neville stepped away from the desk and headed to a specific bookcase. "A potion then. Ron always had trouble with those in our Auror days."

She hurried over to him. "Just Ron?" She asked playfully.

He rolled his eyes. "Alright, not just him, but he didn't do anything to make himself better at it." He gestured to the books. "These are all our potion and theory books."

"So, we'll put it in a cupcake or something? A compulsion potion?" She examined the titles before her.

_Asim's Potions of Imaginations. Violet Rathmore's Essential Potions for Home and Garden. Branwen's Guide to Medicinal Potions. Highjinks and Horseplay by Hayley Hook._

"Hijinks and Horseplay?" She reached for the book.

"Fred and George gave that to me for my birthday one year," Neville explained. "I haven't really looked through it actually." He took down Asim's book.

They sat down on the small sofa and began browsing through their books. Hermione flipped to the table of contents and scanned over the words. "I wonder if Fred and George have something similar to what we're looking for."

"We can't go looking around while Ron's working there."

"That's true. Look," She flipped through the book and opened it to the page she was looking for. "Unlucky Brew. This concoction works well for irritable siblings or that co-worker you dislike. Victim of the Unlucky Brew will experience strange occurrences that might not seem so out of place such as spilled food or drinks on themselves, bad hair day or snubbed by others."

"Do you think this would work?"

Neville looked over her shoulder. "It does seem relatively harmless, but would it make people react to him."

She shrugged, her shoulder rubbing against his chest. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

"Neville?"

He jumped slightly, looking over his shoulder at the curly-haired witch. "Hermione."

Her eyes slowly glanced around at their surroundings. "What are you doing here?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, putting the skiving boxes back on the shelves. He had ventured into Weasley's Wizard Wheezes on a whim after picking up what he needed for their plan. "Just looking around. You?" He regarded her work attire.

She played with a button on her blouse. "Looking around."

He smiled. "Do you want to look around together?"

"Sure."

They walked past the pygmy puffs and ventured into the pink environment that was the WonderWitch section. Neville chuckled at the sight of all the love related. He picked up a slender bottle. "Too bad we can't mess up his love life."

She leaned into him, moving away as best she could from the crowd. "Yeah, but I wouldn't want to ruin what he has with Hannah. They're very happy together."

Neville agreed. He set the bottle back down. "Did you ever use products like these?"

"Of course not," she spit out. "I don't," she cleared her throat, lowering her voice, "I don't agree with the use of products like this. I think they're horrible. The worst sort of compulsion."

He lowered his mouth to his ear. "Is that why you were so hesitant about a compulsion charm or potion?"

She nodded.

He took her arm in his and led her away. "Let's slip him a Canary Cream, just for the heck of it."

Her laughter caught Fred and George's attention.

"Hermione."

"Neville."

"What brings you –"

"Two around?"

"Hey, Fred. Hey, George." Hermione greeted them both.

Neville shrugged. "I like to know what kinds of stuff my students might be bringing into my classroom."

"Rightie-o, Prof. Longbottom." George wrapped his arm around Neville's shoulders. "Come this way and we'll show you some of our latest products." He reluctantly let go of Hermione's arm and let George lead him away.

George briefly explained each new product, but all the descriptions went over his head.

"So, you and Granger, huh?"

"What?"

George crossed his arms and grinned. "You and Hermione," he lowered his voice, "I approve." George looked over Neville's shoulder. "Not that she really knows, but she's like another sister and we want what's best for her. You're a good bloke, Neville."

"Thanks, but we're not –"

"Let's go, Neville." Hermione appeared, grabbing his hand. Her face was flushed, and he noticed a grinning Fred behind her.

"See you!" Fred called after her.

She dragged him out of the store. They finally slowed down in front of Flourish & Blotts. Her cheeks were still pink. "Do you want to come over for dinner?" He asked suddenly. "We can get started on our project afterward."

* * *

"Dinner was wonderful, thank you, Mrs. Longbottom."

"Thank you, dear." August took a seat in the smaller sitting room and opened a large book. "You two run along, I can tell you're itching to do something."

Hermione giggled at Neville's exasperated expression. But, he took her hand and led her into his Gran's potions lab. A cauldron and their needed utensils were already set up.

"Was it easy to find everything?" Hermione stood in front of the cauldron.

"Surprisingly, but they had to be since it came from such an easily accessible book." He let her take the lead and watched as she added the ingredients and stirred accordingly. "Worst case scenario, he'll turn green."

She laughed at that. "That wouldn't be too bad actually." She stood back. "Now, it needs to stay on the burner for an hour."

The room was beginning to feel stifling. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse and began to fan herself.

"Is that," he gulped, "is that the necklace I got you for your birthday?" His eyes rested on the small sapphire that gleamed just above her bust.

She picked it up. "I wear it almost every day."

"Really?" His voice sounded weird.

"Of course."

Silence fell between them. He began to scuff his shoe against the floor and jumped slightly when she started to speak again.

"This has been fun," she said softly. "We should hang out more. When you're not busy of course. Don't want to get in the way of your duties at school."

"Yes, I'd like that."

Neither commented on each other's blush.

* * *

_Canary has left the building_. Hermione scribbled out a quick note and sent it to Neville with her owl. Ron had stopped by for breakfast and she fed him the doused cupcakes with their tea. She could only hope that nothing too bad happened.

She flooed to work and her day began like any other. Paperwork. Meetings. Until one of the secretaries knocked on the open door to Hermione's office. "Ms. Granger. These came for you."

She set a small vase with a colorful array of flowers on Hermione's desk and scurried away.

"Who sent you those?"

"Harry!"

He peeked at the card poking out. She snatched it away. "Just letting you know I'm heading out with Ron for the last-minute prep for Ginny's party tomorrow."

She ripped open the note once he left.

_Next batch of Canary Cremes on me_

_xo,_

_Neville_.

* * *

"It was awful," Ron whined to anyone who would listen. "First someone dropped their whole batch of cupcakes on me. Then, when I was browsing in Broomstix and some girl punched me when I said she'd be lucky to find a bloke willing to be with her despite her stocky build."

Hermione and Neville watched as Hannah cringed at Ron's description of his experiences the day before. "You are a little loose with your words, Ron," Hannah tried to appease.

A group of Ginny's teammates walked near where they were standing.

Hermione and Neville couldn't hear what was said, but suddenly, a pie flew through the air and hit Ron in the face.

Ginny came running by, shaking Hermione by the shoulders. "Best birthday ever!"

"How long did the potion say it was going to last?" Neville whispered into her ear.

"It only lasts for twelve hours," Hermione replied.

They looked at each other, wide-eyed, and then burst into laughter.

* * *

"I can't believe you two are engaged. You're like complete opposites."

Neville eyed the eclair Hermione had set on Ron's plate. Hermione returned to her seat beside him, kissing him softly on the cheek.

Ginny smacked her brother on the head. "You give them well-wishes, Ron. Don't criticize them."

But he didn't answer, his mouth was full of eclair and the room was suddenly filled with feathers.

Neville could hear Sirius barking in laughter, but his attention turned to his future wife, her soft hands on his chin guiding him to her lips.

* * *

Thanks for reading! You may have read this on Ao3 under karasunova. That's me! I'm taking the time to cross-post some of my stories.


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